Voices from the Edge: Tale of a Haircut

My youngest child got his haircut yesterday, and as I sat watching the very patient hairdresser continually checking with him and asking if he was alright, I almost began to cry. Haircuts can be traumatic. But before you begin asking for photos of my bouncing baby boy, let me tell you that Allen is an adult on the autism spectrum and getting him to even consider a haircut --let alone actually allow someone to take a scissors to his treasured locks--was a process I began two weeks ago.

With Allen, I have learned to take things one step at a time.



The Center for Disease Control (2012) estimates that caring for adults with autism costs the government between $175 and $196 billion per year. But this figure, high as it seems, only amounts to 7% of the total allotted to research and education for children on the spectrum. Research from Sweden indicates that this amount could be cut by 2/3s with early identification; while this makes sense, it is little help to those who, like my son, were not identified until adulthood. Currently, the Office of Autism Research Coordination (OOARC, 2019) states that only 1% of government expenditures for autism goes towards the care and needs of adults with ASD. That's depressing news for 2.7% of the adult population.

Meanwhile, those of us who are parenting an adult child on the spectrum are essentially flying without a net. We learn by doing, stepping back and forth in a dance with our offspring, figuring out what works and what doesn't. Then figuring it out all over again when the tried and true method fails.

In Allen's case, surprises are a no-no. Careful preparation is required for anything more than a change in dinner menu. If I need to address a new situation with Allen, I lie in wait like a mother lioness on the prowl, sniffing for clues that might allow me to broach a new topic.

Two weeks ago, as Allen stood at my dresser mirror, lamenting his thinning hair and the sad fact  that, "all men's haircare products lie," I saw my chance. I stowed the clue away in my brain and waited for an opening, which came a few days later when he and I were running errands and he ran his hands through his hair, expressing dismay at the tangles which had taken over his head.

"You know," I said casually, "Grandmom was a hairdresser.  And she always said that hair grew faster when you cut it. Just something to think about."

And he did. Two days later he approached me and said, "I remember Grandmom cutting my hair. But maybe that only applies to lady's hair."

My pulse quickened, but like the wise lioness, I kept my breathing steady. "Maybe," I said. "Maybe we could talk to someone who knows men's hair about it."

He shot me a suspicious look and I shrugged as if the outcome did not matter to me. "Okay," he said.

Then began the investigation to find a hair salon that worked with adults with special needs. Thanks fo Google, I found Benny's Hairstyling in Springfield. When I called and explained the situation, I was told to make an appointment with Sally. I did.

Next, I started my preparation of Allen, using all of my wily mother lioness skills. We're just talking. You don't have to get it cut if you don't want to. We'll go for lunch afterwards. Yes, anywhere you want.

As a complex development disability, Autism is a spectrum because it affects individuals differently. Allen's hot buttons are mostly sensory--heat, noise, bright lights--but also extend to social situations and the inability to discern non-verbal cues. When we arrived at Benny's, I was pleasantly surprised to find that Sally works in an area separate from the other stylists so noise is limited. Sally invited Allen into her chair, and he backed up with a frightened expression on his face.

Wisely, she took the hint. "We can sit over here," she said, "and just talk."

They did. After a few minutes, he was willing to sit in the barber chair. After a few more, he was agreeable to having his hair trimmed. A little more conversation, and the tangles and knots were falling onto the floor. Then--wonder of wonders--he agreed to let her wash his hair.

According to three different reports summarized on OpenMind.com, in another ten years, 3 out of every 100 adults will exist somewhere on the autism spectrum. And the $330,000 currently spent on researching the needs of adults just isn't--pardon the pun--going to cut it.

Zac Smith, writing for VOX, says this about his own adult diagnosis of autism: Autism  spectrum is a 
broad and constantly redefined space, a frontier of the mind that's still mostly wilderness. The revised definitions of it on the DSM 5--just a few years ago--are still controversial. It's still easier to diagnose aspects of the spectrum in people and more difficult to determine if a formal diagnosis is necessary, if it's even a problem.

Trust me on this, it's a problem and one that is likely to worsen until we recognize the need to explore the wilderness and remove the stigma that is often attached to "having autism."

And we need more people like Sally at Benny's Hairstyling, who treated Allen with the respect and kindness owed to every human being.

And now, since you waited so nicely, here is a picture of my bouncing baby boy. All 6 foot 6 inches of him.