TRADING PLACES

¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Philippians 4:12 (NIV)

A couple of years after Ron’s car accident, I lamented to my friend, Debbie, “I want a different life!” Debbie is a no-nonsense sort of gal and even though she loves me, she did not hesitate in her response: “You need to get over that real quick. You have the life you have.”

It certainly wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I was already exhausted from caring for the demands of an ill spouse and working three jobs to support us. It seemed as if all my dreams—earning a doctorate, teaching college, writing a book—were being dashed on the rocks of Ron’s needs.

I wanted a way out.

Other spousal caregivers feel the same. Caregiverstress.com is full of comments from other men and women who deal daily with the overwhelming challenges of caring for an ill spouse. We’re all handed the same spiel as we bundle our damaged partners into our cars after a long hospital stay, told that care giving is a noble pursuit and we will be blessed by our endeavors. Even our closest friends offer the same platitudes: your reward is in Heaven, God will never give you more than you can handle.

What no one tells you is that care giving is back-breaking, gut-wrenching, mentally exhausting, and emotionally draining labor. The first few days home from hospital will find neighbors, friends, and relatives arriving with casseroles and cards. But eventually, you are left alone with your ill spouse to make an adjustment to a life that no amount of pre-marital counseling could have prepared you for.

Where does one find contentment when the very thought of emptying one more bedpan and mopping up one more mess makes you want to scream?

“This isn’t”, I told my friend Debbie, “the life I planned for.”

And I’m not alone. The Apostle Paul, writing from his prison cell, lived a life far different from the one he’d planned. In Great Lion of God, Taylor Caldwell’s meticulous research into the life of Saul of Tarsus paints the picture of a privileged and intellectual Pharisee, a Roman citizen raised as a scholar of Hebrew scriptures.

But Paul died a martyr’s death.

Not really what he’d planned on.

Yet Paul, quite literally owning not one thing, not even his freedom, was able to find contentment in his prison cell, writing to the Philippians, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”

Learning to be content is not a natural process. Our modern world would convince us that contentment is found in the latest tech gadgets or the newest cars, but contentment cannot be bought. It is simply learning that God is, no matter what, in control.

What was the secret Paul had learned? How can those of us who find ourselves caught in a situation we never trained for find contentment with our lives?

1.     Keep your focus on the Lord. Remember when Jesus called Peter to step out of the boat and onto the water? (Matthew 14:28-30) Peter only started sinking when he took his eyes off Jesus.

2.     Do what God has called you to do. Abraham could have lived a life of luxury in Haran with all his flocks and household, but when God called him to move on (Genesis 12:1-3), Abraham did so.

3.     Thank God daily for His sufficiency. Learn to live with what God has provided, be it a lot or a little. Corrie ten Boom, who rescued many Jewish people during the Holocaust, was taught by her father that “God owns the cattle on a thousand hills. When we need something, we will just ask God to sell a cow.” (Psalm 50:10)

4.     Love the Lord with all your heart (Matthew 22:37). Jesus teaches this is the way to true contentment.

It’s been 18 years since the accident that changed our lives and my conversation with my friend. Caring for my husband is still a daily challenge. Some days are harder than others and I need to work at finding contentment when the cost of Ron’s medications has gone up again and I feel like I cannot possibly run up the steps one more time.

But if I move the focus from myself, if I rest my weary body in the sufficient strength of God, if I take a few moments on the back deck with a second cup of tea, I feel contentment creep over me.

It’s not the life I planned. It is the life I am called to. And within this life, I have earned a doctorate, taught college, and written books.

God is sufficient.

FEAR NOT!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

I couldn’t seem to help it. There was no reason for me to be nervous about my annual end of year performance review. My last observation rated me as “proficient,” despite it being my first-year teaching English as a second language to high school students. When I’d been given the assignment in September, the job description was vague, but during the last nine months I had built a community at West Catholic for my foreign-born students, and all of them had made progress.

But as I headed North on I-95 toward my scheduled appointment at the Title 1 office, niggling doubts picked at my brain. What if I lost my job? How would we survive? The fears were not baseless. I’d lost jobs before, both due to the economy and low enrollments. In the 23 years I’d been teaching, I’d been at seven schools.

I concentrated on breathing deeply and committing my concerns to God. Two words immediately popped into my head:

FEAR NOT

True fear can be beneficial to human survival. Psychology Today says that fear has always been hard-wired into humans to protect us from physical and emotional harm. But when poet W.H. Auden penned “The Age of Anxiety” back in 1948, he linked our fears to the constant hazards of the modern world, not necessarily loss of life or limb. Following the Great Recession of 2009, over 60% of Americans have been fearful about losing their jobs (Washington Post, 2013).

Fear can paralyze us. It begins with one single thought.

What if I lose my job?

The thought explodes, unleashing a flow of fears.

FEAR NOT.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

The words of Isaiah 41:10 remind us that fear can be used as a weapon by the Enemy, keeping us from embracing God’s plans for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11).  If we are fearful of the results, we’ll probably want to stay where it’s safe and warm. When David was running from Saul and hiding in caves, he might have sought a refuge to cower in terror (I Samuel 21:10), but he believed that God was with him.  And Moses felt so inadequate to the task God had appointed that he used every excuse in the book to wiggle his way out of it (Exodus 4:10). Yet God assured Moses that He would be with him and gave Moses everything that was needed (Exodus 3:12; 4:12).

Most importantly, nothing is ever a surprise to God. Even when the unexpected happens, God is ahead of it and knows what we will need to handle the situation. When Mordecai sent word to Queen Esther that all the Jewish people were to be put to death (Esther 4:8), she had no idea what to do! But God had already planned out the way He would deliver His people, even before the orphaned Esther won the favor of the King.

As I continued my drive into the city, I realized that while God has moved me to various schools in my professional life, He’s allowed me to impact the lives of students and faculty in ways I could not have foreseen back when my teaching degree was new. Years ago, when the Prayer of Jabez (1 Chronicles 4:9-10) was a popular sermon topic, I prayed for God to “extend my territory.” And He had! The students whose lives I’ve impacted are scattered across several states and counties, even extending to servicemen deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan.

I walked into the meeting, my fears at bay and willing to go where God would send me.

And yes, my end of year evaluation went well, my supervisor exuberant about the way I had handled a challenging task and laid the foundation for a beneficial English as a second language program. I was assured that I would be welcomed back in the Fall to continue the work I had begun. As I got back into my car and began the drive home, I took a moment to reflect on the truths about fear God had revealed to me:

1.       Fear is a weapon from Satan, meant to distract us from our God-given purpose.

2.       We can focus on what is true, not our fear, by recalling God’s promises. Our own histories will show us how God brought us through previous fears.

 

3.       God desires that we have joy. We cannot have both fear and joy, so choose joy. The joy of the Lord will remain with us despite our outward circumstances (John 15:11).

4.       Fear is fleeting. It is related to a specific moment or incident. It does not last forever.

Yes, we still need to live in an age that is rife with anxiety and reasons to cause us fear. But the tools to combat those fears are freely given to us. And I began to hum the song a former pastor used to sing:

Some trust in chariots

We trust in the name of the Lord our God

Some trust in horses

We trust in the name of the Lord our God.