WEDNESDAY WORDS: MEMBERS ONLY

Romans 12:4-5

⁴ For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, ⁵ so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

I am visiting Ron at the hospital when my cell phone rings. “I’m quitting Planet Fitness,” Allen says. His voice through my phone sounds upset. “Things are just not right at that place.”

“What’s wrong?” I ask. Allen has been a member of Planet Fitness for exactly three days. They were supposedly a “No judgement” zone, a fact I emphasized when I signed Allen up.  What had happened to disturb the work-out of my autistic son?

“I’m locked out of the machines,” he says. “I guess they don’t want me in their club.”

“Okay,” I tell Allen. “I’ll be home soon and we’ll talk about it then.” My mother’s heart hurts for my son, whose learning differences and challenges locked him out of many groups during his school years. Allen is, in a word, “quirky”, but he is also sweet and moral and kind. It takes some work to get through the quirkiness and the lack of social cues that characterizes young adults like Allen who are on the autism spectrum, but I was hopeful that the physical activity and interaction with others at the gym would be good for Allen, whose own social outlets are limited.

I turn towards home when I leave the hospital, but change my mind part-way and head to Planet Fitness. A mother protects her children, no matter how old they are. If the gym has in anyway made my son feel that he is not welcome in their club, they will have me to deal with.

I think Jesus Himself knew a thing or two about being ousted from the popular lunch table. We need only to look at those He chose as his close companions—several common fishermen, a Zealot, a tax collector, and a thief—to know that Jesus was not hanging out with the Beautiful People. As He left Earth for Heaven, He desired for there to be unity among the believers.

Unity is never an easy feat. While Romans 12:4-5 acknowledges that the members of the Church have many functions yet belong to one unit, the concept can be difficult to grasp. The Book of Acts is full of challenges that faced the early church: changes in leadership (Acts 1:19), immorality (Acts 5:1-10), complaints (Act 6:1), false teaching (Acts 15:1), and diversity (I Thessalonians 19:11). Jesus’ command to “keep the unity of the Spirit in the bonds of peace” (Ephesians 4:3) was a tough act!

We’d like to think we’ve all evolved past the point of looking down on someone because of their job or the color of their skin, or where they live or how they comb their hair. Or in the case of my son, how adept he is at social cues. Despite our differences, I Corinthians 12:18 clearly tells us that each member has a specific value. All are important to God.

I am mumbling under my breath the part in Ephesians 4:16 about building each other up in love when I arrive at the parking lot of Planet Fitness. I compose myself, say a quick prayer, and calmly walk into the gym and ask to speak with the manager. She is kind in every way, mentions she saw Allen in earlier in the day and wondered why he had left so quickly without saying anything if there had been a problem.

“He wouldn’t have complained,” I tell her. “He would have just walked quietly away.” With the help of another employee, we figure out that Allen had been working on a machine that was glitching. The trainer offers to help Allen with the machines if he would come back. I promise to try and convince him to give it another try. I am glad, I tell the manager, that they are what they advertise: Judgement Free.

As I drive home, though, I remember my years as a middle school teacher, where cliques ran wild and those who, like Allen, were a bit different often found themselves hanging out with the teachers at recess. To be examples of Christ and to uphold the unity of the Church and our own common humanity, we should always strive to live in the Judgement Free Zone.

Let's all just sit at the same lunch table.

WEDNESDAY WORDS: THE GIANT ROBOT MISSION

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. ² Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. ³ For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”^[a] 4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. Romans 15:1-7

I knew it had to happen. For 18 months, the "robot" creature in the backyard grew to gigantic proportions. While it could be hidden inside a tent or a tarp, I didn't mind so much. It was Allen's project and it kept him occupied. But when the thing outgrew its tent, I knew we were in for trouble.

To no one but Allen would the jumble of aluminum cans, metal pieces, wooden pallets, and wheels resemble a robot. I saw a pile of junk; he saw a creation that would one day move and function. Anytime I was tempted to complain, I reminded myself of just what the project meant to Allen.

Our neighbors were not as understanding. Notes were shoved under my door demanding the demise of the monstrosity. One woman loudly complained that I was a “terrible mother” to allow my son his collection of Frankenstein-esque parts.

It became clear that to maintain harmony with my neighbors, the Giant Robot would have to go.

Honestly, I don’t always agree with what my neighbors do, either. I get tired of the little dog that barks anytime I get out of my car, and the kids in the back who jump on their trampoline at all hours of the night. But in Romans 15:1-7, the Apostle Paul encourages us to “please our neighbors”, particularly those of us who are mature Christians.

Let’s take a moment and think back to the time of Jesus. The leaders of the nation of Israel were instructed to serve the people and protect the helpless, but they failed miserably in their mission. Obviously, their own mission did not coincide with God’s. Jesus rebuked those who abused their power. In Matthew 23:2-4, Jesus says, “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. ³ So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. ⁴ They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.”

Ouch. Strong words from God’s Son, who was clear what His own mission on earth was. Jesus wanted His disciples to use their power to serve others. In Mark 10:44-45, He told them that they must serve others, not themselves. 

Allen had been clear in his own mission. It began in April of 2015 when Ron was hospitalized—again—with clinical depression and heart issues. Coincidentally, Allen had just been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. While my son began job training with Occupational Vocational Rehabilitation, he was not allowed to work. And my kids, all three of them, are workaholics. Allen had time on his hands. I did not. With Ron in the hospital for six weeks, and me working three jobs, Allen was left to his own devices. Enter the Mission to Build a Giant Robot.

According to SAMHSA (2016), adults on the autism spectrum disorder tend to be introverted and often look for ways to self-medicate in order to avoid a sense of anxiety and stress. While genetics play a part in ASD, a chemical imbalance in the brain contributes to developmental delays and problems with thought-processing and neural stimulation. 7.9 million Americans with a mental disorder self-medicate with drugs or alcohol.

I did not want Allen to be one of them. While he went for job-training and dealt with physical and mental testing requirements, he built his robot. I bought a bigger tent.

Alas, one Sunday afternoon we took the Giant Robot down piece by piece and hauled it away to the junk yard in a rental truck from Home Depot. For the sake of our mission to win our neighbors to Christ, the robot had to go. Its own scrappy mission—keeping Allen occupied-- was over.

Accept one another, Paul advises us in Romans 15:7. I might wish that my neighbors and those who encounter Allen might recognize the uniqueness that lies beneath his quirks. I might wish that the poster of Romans 12:18 that hung in my long-ago college dormitory room would hang in everyone’s home.

I can only, as much as possible, live at peace with everyone.

And have Allen confine his robot projects to the basement.

WEDNESDAY WORDS: PACKED FOR THE JOURNEY

“Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give” (Matthew 10:8).

My husband was barricaded in his hospital room, threatening doctors and nurses with his IV pole.

 “You’re here!” he shouted when he saw me. “I knew you would come. I told you, Diana.” He turned to the nurse that was behind him, the only medical personnel he allowed into the room. “You won’t let them steal my brain, will you?”

“No,” I said. “No one will steal your brain.”

Diana smiled weakly. “Thanks for coming so quickly.”

I shrugged. “Thanks for calling. It’s not every day I have to come save my husband from space aliens. It’s a new adventure.”

In the years since Ron became disabled and I took on the role of the Well Spouse, I have often felt I had not really packed for the journey. The words “In sickness and in health” don’t really prepare you for the possibilities of what CAN happen.

I often wonder how the apostles of Jesus felt. The Book of Matthew relates the Great Commission which sent them out into the world. They were told not to burden themselves with luggage: no extra sandals or cloaks, no satchels, no money. They were to depend upon God for their provisions. And they were to freely give to others what had been given to them. They were not trained physicians, but they were to “heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons “ (Matthew 10:8). Surely, they must have wondered how they—mere mortal men—would be able to accomplish these things!

It's a question I’ve asked myself many times in my journey as the Well Spouse. I have felt as unprepared as the Apostles as they set out on their missions, untrained in medicine of the mind and body. There were many times I sat alone in a hospital waiting room, just me and God waiting to hear if Ron would live or die.

But Ron, my husband of 42 years, is beloved of Jesus. He is worth far more than many sparrows (Matthew 10:31). Even when fear enveloped me, I knew the words of John 3:16 to be true: If Ron should die, he would be with our Father in Heaven.

The twelve Jesus sent out into the world on the first mission journeys were ordinary men. Four were fishermen. None were from the professional religious of the day. Yet they spread the Gospel throughout the known world and, even though it was illegal to become a Christian, many accepted Jesus as Savior. While the apostles may have felt inadequate to the task, God gave them the power and the courage they needed.

The journey of a Well Spouse also takes a lot of courage.

After the effects of the anesthesia from the previous day’s surgery wore off, Ron was peaceful, nodding off to sleep in his hospital bed. No more space aliens threatened his existence. His brain was safe for now. I sat next to his hospital bed, calmly knitting a prayer shawl for a friend when Dr. Inger quietly entered the room and checked Ron’s vitals.

“He’s doing okay,” the doctor said. “How about you?”

I gave a shrug. “Just another day. I’m used to it all.”

He nodded. “You’ve been married, what, 25 years?”

“Thirty.”

“Hmmm.” He took a chair from the corner and straddled it. “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”

I shook my head. “Go ahead.”

“How do you do it? How do you stay with him? Why don’t you just walk away?”

And so I told the good doctor that my vows had been honest ones. The road had been long and hard, but that did not mean giving up. Whenever I felt inadequate for the journey, whenever I felt as if I had packed the wrong things and just did not have what it would take to move one step further, God gave me what I needed.

“I think,” said Dr. Inger, “I need to study this some more. You’re a strong woman.”

I shook my head. “No,” I said. “I serve a strong God.”

The journey is far from over. This event happened years ago, and since then God has brought us to more surgeries and more hospitals and more people who need to hear the Gospel. My “go” bag for hospital emergencies now includes a knitting project, my Bible, a notebook, and several Bible tracts.

I pack light. God supplies the rest.