Open Letter to a Student

Dear Kristen,

I was thinking about how to respond to your personal journal entry when I received the e-mail that you were hospitalized. I am very, very sorry that you are unwell and struggling with so many issues in your life. In reading what you wrote again, I have decided to respond to you not as your professor, but as another woman.

I can hear the hurt and the stress in what you write. It is no secret that we women tend to feel our emotions very deeply and take most things to heart. It is what makes us such wonderful nurturers and friends, but also what sometimes does us in. We take so much on our shoulders! We feel we are responsible for so many! Often, we take on worries that are not ours and never were.

You asked me what "normal" is. There is no real definition. Normal becomes what is comfortable and familiar to you, no matter what those circumstances might be.The many times my husband has been hospitalized recovering from one surgery or another and my children and I went on without him became normal to us. If not pleasant, at least we knew what to expect and how to cope. It is only when our circumstances change and we find ourselves pulled out of our comfort zones that our problems begin.

I DO understand where you are at right now. I was there myself not many years ago, so stressed out by the weight of so much responsibility that I thought I would break in two. I almost did. Writing about it helped and still does. But even more important than the writing in the personal journal you now keep is the conscious act of letting go, one small thing at a time, and deciding what burdens are really yours to carry.

You may be concerned about your uncle's health, but that is not really your burden. He himself acknowledged to you that he made his own choices in his life, just as you need to make yours. Your own health is a major concern, of course, and you should do everything you can to rid yourself of illness and keep yourself well. But in many ways that, too, needs to be placed in the hands of a Higher Power. You say the break-up with your boyfriend is no big deal, that it happens all the time. Nevertheless, it is a loss of companionship and the familiar. I have been through several of those with my daughter! Allow yourself time to grieve the loss.

Kristen, these next words are much easier said than heeded: let go of the stress and give it to God. I do not know what your faith is, but I can assume that since you attend a Catholic college there is within your some belief. You may only be able to let go of one small iota at a time. I remember a time in my life when I needed to write down each tiny thing I was able to give over to God instead of carrying it myself, and pulling my busy and interfering hands away one finger at a time. The point is to begin the process.

Be well and take care. I will be praying for you as the semester comes quickly to a close, and happily help you with any missed work so that you can finish this class. Thank you for the confidence you placed in me by sending your personal journal entry. And thank you for reminding me that God is always in control.

Dr Cobourn

The Voices of Women

My days are so full of students and chores, of grading papers and phone calls, of laundry baskets and what’s for dinner, that it is hard to believe I could ever be lonely. But I am. I can trace my loneliness, which never really goes away, back to a day in March of 2000, when a red pick-up truck slammed into my husband’s Taurus and altered our lives forever. Although Ron survived, he was and is so damaged in mind and body that I became more widow than wife, more care-giver than spouse. I could not lean on him in the ways I once had.

I adjusted. I had kids to raise and doctor’s appointments to keep and a post-

graduate degree to finish. I worked and cleaned and took care of Ron to the best of my ability. I spent more time in hospitals than in church, more time caring for than being cared for. And in the hustle and bustle and downright difficulty of it all, I lost—or thought I lost—valuable friendships. I no longer had the voices of my women friends to help me through each day, not because they no longer cared for me, but because my life had become too busy to give them any room.

About two years ago, an episode with my autistic adult son made me realize just how lonely I was. On that day when Allen turned off his cell phone and contended he was “walking home from Philadelphia”, I honestly felt that I had no one—except my daughter—to call.  She, faithful child, always comes and I am grateful, but she is still my child and should not bear my own burdens. Once Allen was home and safe, I turned to my “friends” on FaceBook, asking who would have been willing to take a 10 pm phone call from me.

To my astonishment, at least twenty women responded with “Call me.” It was at that moment that I realized

that, while my burdens were many, God had provided for me so many sisters to help me through, and each one was just waiting to be of comfort to me. All I needed to do was reach out.

My life is still hectic and busy. I still care for my disabled husband and my autistic son, I still teach and reach and write and do laundry and spend way too much time in hospitals. But I also make time for my women friends, time to talk or go to dinner or exchange silly photos on FaceBook. The voices of my women friends carry me through difficult times. The voices echo in my heart.

Perhaps you, like me, need the voices of other women. If so, I invite you to become part of the Women’s Bible Expo in Thursday, August 20. There, you will hear the voices of many women who suffer the trials of life, but manage to keep their joy. You will find that you are not alone with your burdens. You will be inspired, I am

sure, to continue your own walk with renewed energy and grace.

And you can add your own unique voice to that of other women.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omCL6g6aDNM